Audition: JACK’d by Rob Corbett at the Toronto Fringe Festival
JACK’d…
a Thief, a Murder, some Shenanigans and a BEANSTALK
by
Rob Corbett
FOR THE TORONTO FRINGE FESTIVAL
Audition info:
Rafos Hall – 310 Danforth Ave (across from the Carrot Common) – entrance off Jackman Ave.
Saturday March 22, 10:00 – 12:00 Friday March 28, 7:00-9:00
Callbacks (if needed) Saturday March 22 1:00 – 2:00
VERY interested in both traditional and non-traditional casting…give us something to think about.
Please prepare from the scenes below.
Email Jackdfringe@gmail.com to book an audition time. Drop-ins will be seen if time allows. Let us know which role(s) you are interested in and if there are any of the above times you are NOT available.
Performance/rehearsal dates:
Rehearsals – we will be rehearsing a couple of times a week through May and June and then working pretty solid for the last weeks of June.
Dress rehearsal (invited audience) Wed July 2 – evening – time TBD
Performances:
Thursday July 3 7:00 Friday July 4 4:00
Sunday July 6 4:00 Wednesday July 9 8:00
Thursday July 10 8:00 Friday July 11 6:00
Saturday July 12 8:00 Sunday July 13 7:00
Looking for 4 Cast Members
Jack: a VERY immature 21-year-old. Smart but never thinks, convinced that there has to be more to life than working two jobs and still never getting ahead.
Mom: (40’s – 50’s) His frustrated mother. Her greatest dream is living on the 14th floor where the view of the parking lot will be better. She’d love for all of her son’s hairbrained schemes to work, but in the meantime, she just wants him to milk the dang cow once in a while.
Giant: (40’s – 50’s) Really just wants to be left alone with his hobbies.
The actor playing the Giant will also play:
Morrris Bigggly: Jack’s boss, a captain of industry, a giant in his own mind.
Shai: (ageless) Our narrator, a nonbinary shape shifter wallowing in their own fabulosity while trying desperately to keep this cast together, keep the story moving forward and solve everyone’s problems. Seriously, how do these people get out of bed in the morning without help?
The actor playing Shai will also play:
Beulah: Mom’s self-righteous church friend.
Bake: Jack’s stoner buddy.
Harp: An enchanted harp – a hard drinking diva who just loves picturing her audience naked…and it’s not because she’s nervous.
And a few others.
Audition scenes
SHAI and JACK
Shai: Where in the name of Rumpelstiltskin’s secret name are the beans? Spoiler alert, they’re important, but you already know that don’t you? [pulls out their cell phone] While I find them, take a minute and turn your cell phones off, nothing’s happening in the next 90 minutes that’s so important it can’t wait until— [their phone rings] Excuse me, this is important. [into their phone] Quickly, I’m in the middle of something. [beat] Oh sweet basket of goodies, let the wolf eat you; he’s big and he’s bad. What more could you ask for? [beat] The woodsman is a bonus but if he’s too much for you to handle tell him to come see me and bring his ax with him; while you’re at it, send Granny over. She’s delicious. [pockets the phone] Excuse the interruption, I was looking for the beans.
Has anybody seen
my very special bean?
Ooo that’s a rhyme,
I do it all the time.
My gods I’m smart.
not just a tart.
Sometimes I impress myself even without a mirror, though why I would ever be without a mirror is beyond me. I mean, have you seen me? Most of you have had me.
[Jack sneaks in and discretely hands Shai a sheaf of papers]
Shai: What’s this?
Jack: [whispering] Rewrites.
Shai: For…
Jack: This.
Shai: This?
Jack: This.
Shai: This? The play we’re doing right now?
Jack: I had some ideas. You’ll like them.
Shai: Stop slouching. [out] May I introduce my protégé Jack.
Jack: Hi. Protégé’s fancy for student.
Shai: It’s French.
Jack: That’s what I said.
Shai: [reading] Introducing our hero, Jack [Jack poses] strong and brave, as intelligent as he is handmade. [Jack makes a correction] as intelligent as he is handsome.
Jack: You’re just saying that.
Shai: Manly but not in a toxic way that women don’t like. [to Jack] Really?
Jack: How else do I make sure I look good?
Shai: Never underestimate the power of controlling the narrative.
MOM and JACK
Jack: Look, it’s 11:11 make a wish. [they close their eyes and wish]
Mom: Thanks for catching that, you know how important numbers are.
Jack: I wished Jill was still my girlfriend.
Mom: You shouldn’t have taken her up that hill, I told you you’d get hurt.
Jack: She wasn’t even impressed with my candlestick jumping.
Mom: Really? Girls love that. They also love men who can pick up their socks. It was that far from the hamper.
Jack: Can’t believe you’re making such a fuss about six inches.
Mom: That’s not six inches. I know six inches when – stop distracting me. Put your dirty laundry in the hamper.
Jack: What did you wish for?
Mom: I wish all your schemes and dreams worked out.
Jack: I love you.
Mom: I know you do. Love you too kid.
Jack: I’ll try to remember about the socks.
Mom: And milking the cow. You’ve got one job around here.
Shai: In case you hadn’t ascertained, meet Jack’s Mother.
Mom: “Jack’s Mother”. I have a name. I’ve been in this story as long as he has but not one of you G. D. sons of so and so’s ever asked “I wonder what her name is?” or “I wonder if she even has a name?” My cow started the whole thing; I planted the seeds; I brought the ax that brought down the monster and I brought him into this world, kept him alive so he could be the hero you think you need. The Giant’s got a name, Blunderbore or Gogmagog.
Giant: [entering] Yes?
Mom: Not now.
Giant: I heard my names.
Mom: It’s got two names and it’s not even human.
Giant: Good thing, have you met humans? They’re nasty. [exit]
Mom: Now you want to know my name, don’t you? Your fragile, politically correct hearts feeling a tad less woke? I’ll tell you the truth. My name’s none of your business, and that’s the truth. [to Jack] Put that in your fairy tale.
SHAI (as the Harp) and GIANT
Harp: There’s a thief in the castle or there was.
Giant: I know.
Harp: What are you going to do about it?
Giant: Nothing.
Harp: Someone needs a lesson in boundaries. I know where he lives, you can see it from the edge.
Giant: You go to the edge?
Harp: Of course I do. It’s great fun to throw things over on them. Don’t you? You could throw some very big things.
Giant: I never go near the edge.
Harp: Not even to spit on them?
Giant: That drop off is there for a reason. They want to kill me, all of us. When I was little my mother took me to the edge and hung me over by my ankle. If I was afraid, I’d be safe.
Harp: And yet you give one of them your gold?
Giant: He took it and he left. It’s over. He won’t be back.
Harp: Well don’t let him steal me.
Giant: I promise.
GIANT (as Morrris) and JACK
Jack: I don’t seem to be able to live on my wage.
Morrr: Cut out those fancy coffees; you’ll be just fine.
Jack: I only drink water.
Morrr: I hope it’s Biggly Brand Bottled, best water on the globe, and those bottles are extra strong; they’ll never break down.
Jack: I get it from the tap. It’s free.
Morrr: Are you some sort of godless socialist? Clip a few coupons and shop at the thrift store; that’s the problem with your generation. Too good for honest work. Typical. I own six companies, it’s good to have a side hustle, but not everyone can be a giant of commerce. Now let’s get back to it; we’ve both got work to make Morrris Biggly great again.
Jack: I’m really just looking for a living wage.
Morrr: My GOD you are a socialist. If I paid everyone a living wage, I wouldn’t be able to pay my own expenses. You’re lucky you’re in a position to live so cheaply. Do you know what jet fuel costs these days? I didn’t think so. I’ll talk to HR about deducting this time from your pay, you won’t have to worry about that.
Jack: This is my lunch break.
Morrr: Don’t mention it; let’s round it up to a half hour then, and have a great day son. Here yah go, a stress ball with the company logo on it. Good for your mental health. God, I care so much. [into his phone as Jack exits] Karen, we need to talk about security, you can’t just let anyone in here and talk to HR about that John kid who was just here…I don’t care what his name is, he’s fired or you’re next…now hang up…I can’t be expected to hit a button, I’m a busy man.
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