Word Out 2014

There Is No Dog by Meg Rosoff

Reviewed by Vaishnavy

He is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent, the epitome, the moral attribute of grace, justice and perfection. He who is merciful — an idea that has beset the minds of creationists, atheists, and agnostics for centuries — turns out to be a selfish, lazy, egocentric and –er-  lascivious teenage male.

Meet Bob, the very God who created the heavens and the earth we live among. It so happens that this is our Creator, who no doubt earned his responsibility for our planet for a good reason: a lost game of poker. Handing over the ability to create anything to someone like Bob went over as well as you’d expect, resulting in a mediocre world populated by mortals who live short, often miserable lives, plagued with the added troubles of natural disasters; Earth was just a little project he’d gotten bored of, fast.

The light at the end of this tunnel is his secretary/assistant, Mr. B — a very serious, grey light. Mr. B was the only other candidate for the position of God. Mr. B is something of a father figure (without any of the warmth in a paternal relationship) to Bob. Without a job description, Mr. B isn’t exactly sure what his purpose is, but takes it upon himself to carefully document every event that takes place here on Earth, somewhat fulfilling Bob’s position. Mr. B carries the burden of the world’s suffering and even sympathises with the humans with unfulfilled prayers. It’s quite upsetting to hear that there is barely a sliver of a chance our wishes will be granted by God.

Unless you happen to be a gorgeous blonde with a Rubenesque hourglass figure who’s most heartfelt prayer was to fall in love –- in other words, Lucy Davenport. At the sight of her, Bob has himself convinced that he’s in love (it’s actually more of a lust-infested limerance, but you can’t expect God to know the difference, can you?) and will stop at no means to marry her, even if it means tearing the world apart with natural disasters.

Yes, unfortunately, it so happens that when God falls in love the world plunges into a long period of freak storms and other forms of torment — not that Bob is concerned.

The story then descends into a comically serious (an oxymoron at its fullest), multilayered plot. Bob’s mother, Mona, plays poker with a merciless, hellish, immortal, Mr. Emoto Hed; his daughter, Estelle, a razor-witted yet cold woman, negotiates the ownership of Bob’s pet, an Eck (the last of its species); Lucy’s love life with Bob and a co-worker, Luke, hangs in midair while Mr. B decides to take matters into his own hand and changes his job description; all while Earth collapses into utter chaos.

There Is No Dog is a controversial, delightfully cynical read masked in dark humour while covering themes of teenage angst, mortality, spirituality and differentiating infatuation from love. This novel will have its readers light-heartedly pondering their own existence.